A couple of days ago I was dropping Caroline off at school when a fellow mom said, “Wow…you sure do put a lot of emphasis on the way Caroline looks. Do you think you’re sending the right message?” {Message being that outer beauty is more important…I guess} It caught me by complete surprise, as it was before 8 am and I sure as hell had not had my daily Venti Starbucks yet, but I said something like “Oh, I think it’s fine. I want her to love being girly. Have a good day!”
Weird right? Is what I’m doing wrong for my child? Is it wrong that I want her to love over-the-top tutus and giant hair bows? Probably, but who cares! I’m her mom and I can do what I want. BUT that made me think…what are we supposed to do when we see moms around us that are doing things that we think are potentially harmful to the development or upbringing of their child?
When is it okay for us to voice our opinions on someone’s mothering skills? I know I’m pretty hush hush about it.
There are certain instances, with Allison mostly because we talk 42 times a day, where she will candidly ask me, “What am I doing wrong?” or “Am I doing something wrong?” and I would never say “Yes.” Who am I to know all of the ins and outs of her parenting style? {Actually, Allison is an over-sharer so I know quite a bit about her parenting style…but that’s not the point…} What I can do (and often do) is compare what she is doing to what we do with Caroline and suggest some different practices. In fact, one day we did that and Lincoln had a good eating day. BUT that’s only when prompted. Same thing the other way around, when we were having serious sleep issues with Caroline, I would ask Allison what we were doing wrong and we tried to implement some of her awesome practices, but she never said, “Uhhh! Why do you let Caroline sleep with you? That’s so wrong!” It was always supportive and helpful, not condescending.
I would never walk into her home or up to a friend and give them unsolicited parenting feedback–that’s just so wrong and elitist.
So, what’s the right thing to do? Keep your mouth shut, right? OR is that how we learn and grow by unsolicited parenting advice?
How frustrating! I hate that moms are the most critical/judgemental people when they should be focusing all their energy on their family. Not worrying about how someone else is raising their child. Someone once told me, ‘mean girls are created by mean mommies’. And it’s true. That mother was modeling rude and judgemental behavior for her child.
Thanks! That’s so true…mean girls are created by mean mommies!
Gross!!!!! That was not unsolicited ADVICE, that was just judgmental, rude, and maybe a bit of jealousy. My 9 year old son dresses in full CAMO garb on the weekends (like Rambo comes to life in our house) is that sending the wrong message as well? LOL!!! Bows and tutus are so much fun, my 3 year old daughter will be in the yard in her princess dress up clothes (tiara all the way to princess shoes) playing with frogs:) so obviously clothes do not make a person!! On the outside it would appear I live with Rambo and Cinderella, but not true at all, they are both loving sweet individuals!!!!
There is a big difference in advice (wanted or not) and passing judgement. I think you handled the situation perfectly 🙂
Plus, what is wrong with letting your kid get creative with their outfits? Cute!
My thoughts exactly, Carrie!
Vanessa! You handled it like a champ! I would not have so Christian had someone said that to me on a day where I wasn’t my happiest! I often receive criticisms because my little tazmanian devils sleep in our bed but I shrug it off. In the end, I am their mommy and I will do what I see fit!
Exactly! We do what we think is best 🙂
You seriously reacted better than I probably would have. Every mama is different and we are never going to always agree or understand why other moms make the choices they make. First of all, Caroline is adorably precious and always looks cute…nothing wrong with that 🙂 Second that mom needs to shut her mouth. Shut it! Ugh.