I value all the opposing view points. Clearly, relationships and families are diffefent. What works for one, is not the answer for another.

I usually do not leave critical feedback, but felt compelled. I will not pick sides or argue my perspective of whether my beloved husband or adored children are #1 in my life. However, I will simply point out what I found ironic. The author cleary took a stance on a hot topic that has been effectively debated. Therefore, it’s an opinion article. She gave us her opinion, yet several times, told the reader (dare I say “ordered” her audience) how they should feel. We were not allowed to form our opinion on the article because were ordered to be grateful for the way she wrote (not too sappy). She expressed her opinion, yet told us not to judge her (denying our own opinion). There are other examples, but in summary writing an opinion article leaves you vulnerable. People will disagree with you. Please consider being less demanding to future audiences who read your work.

Oh my gosh. I have been saying this for years. Amazing article! I loved every bit if it. I have 8 kids and i would give my own life for them but my husband is my rock. My everything. Thank you for writing this!

Great read. Can’t believe some of the negative comments. Go for the boobs, I promise it is a great investment in your marriage.

I love my partner the most because I don’t believe in God and I don’t have kids (you may wonder why I’m here since I’m British rather than from Austin and I’m not a mom, but I saw the post shared on Facebook and it sounded interesting), but I like to think I’d still feel the same as Haley says she does in this article if we ever did have them. One of the most frightening sounding things about having kids to me is the idea that you can’t be a couple anymore and you have to love each other for your general competence and reliability as parents or because you need the help rather than for the reasons you chose each other in the first place. I feel like thinking about it like Haley does without feeling guilty about it would allow you to be happier.

If my husband and my kids were dangling off a cliff I would save the kids without a second thought. I enjoy spending time with my husband more than I enjoy spending time with my kids but I love my kids so much more than my husband its not even funny.

I think one aspect people might be overlooking is this.

Your children will NEVER love you as much as you love them. Never. Do you love your Mom or Dad more than your children? That’s what I thought.

HOWEVER, your spouse CAN and DOES have the ability and capacity to love you just as much as you love them. This is one of the primary and significant differences between the two differing types of love you have for your children and you have for your partner.

I totally respect all of the differing opinions I have read on this article’s thread. And I would summarize my position as this. Whether you love your spouse more, your children more, or love them equally but differently, you should NEVER vocalize that position in front of either one. The only position IMO you are safe in vocalizing is your love for God more, if that is your belief system (it is mine). It can be very damaging to a family member to say you love someone in your family more than the other in front of them whether spouse or kids. This is the same as saying you love one of your kids more than the other in front of them (which I don’t think anyone should feel anyway. You should love all your children equally, of course).

And I have five wonderful bio children and one awesome soon to be stepson. I would do anything for my children, but I do love my fiance more than anything and love her unconditionally (it took two failed marriages to learn this principle).

Just my two pennies.

I love my children more then there mom granted she choose drugs and I choose the kids a partner can come and go not children just a full time single fathers opinion

I believe wholeheartedly in this. The relationship you have with your significant other is the most important and intimate relationship of your life. Your job as a parent is to raise them to be decent human beings and to send them off to start good families of their own. Your marriage is for life. Your children arent Intended to make you happy like your spouse is. Very good read !

As a mother of twin 3 (almost 4) year old boys I can definitively say that being a mother is a FULL TIME JOB. Those of you who say otherwise are kidding yourselves. Yes, I love my boys unconditionally, they are the reason for my existence. I however, never wanted to have children, not because I didn’t want to be a mom, but because I didn’t want to bring children into this cruel world. I only have my children now because of the joy I saw in my husbands face when he would talk about having them, so we did and I wouldn’t change it for anything because I knew with him the worldnt be so cruel to them. However, when it was just the two of us I didn’t spend the day picking up toys wiping marker off the walls vacuuming and scrubbing the carpets because we spilled food or drink, only had to wash 2 maybe 3 loads of clothes a week not 2 a day, could get something to eat and actually eat it myself without being hungry when it was gone because I only actually had 4 bites after already having fed him, and could walk into the bathroom for 2 minutes without him coming in and asking me what I was doing or screaming my name from the living room. All those things amount to being on call or actively working 24/7 with zero pay or appreciation from anyone, except my husband. He’s an amazing man, after a failed 6 year relationship I had a list of just what I wanted in a man and after knowing him for 3 months I knew he was the one. I used to tell him how he was perfect, and it would make him uncomfortable, he would tell me “babe please stop saying that, I’m not perfect and one of these days I’m going to do something to let you down and you won’t see me the same anymore” but what he didn’t get was I didn’t mean he was squeaky clean or infallible but that he was the perfect man for me, everything I ever wanted in a man like he was hand made just for me. I have to say I understand where the writer is coming from, I chose him, because of him I have my children and I’m eternally grateful to him for that and maybe she should have used “differently” instead of “more” but that is no reason to attack her, her character, or to parent shame her(especially not from behind the safety of your keyboard) when I can say with certainty that not one of us posting here is a perfect parent and that there are things that each of us do regarding our children that the rest would pile on for. As for those who are no longer with their children’s parent, IMO, until whoever you choose to be with loves your child as unconditionally as you do, then the answer is a resounding NO, you don’t love them “more” than your child and that’s kind of obvious, along with the opinion that you shouldn’t marry someone unless/until they do love your child unconditionally. Also, I’m pretty sure she says she loves her husband more than her children, not her children’s father which are two COMPLETELY different things, you obviously don’t put someone first who doesn’t put you first (with the exception of your children of course). So if you’re no longer married or never were then this situation clearly doesn’t apply to you and as for children being forever, you kinda disproved your own point there by saying that “mom chose drugs” bc parents leave, so while yes to those responsible parents children are forever but to those selfish enough to walk away from their family they aren’t. Now, do I love my husband more? Maybe, I’ve never thought about it in those terms, do I love him differently? Absolutely! I chose to love him and choose to every day. My children however, for me there was never a choice. If they were all hanging from a cliff? I’d save my children and he would do the same, we would expect that of each other because together we love our children more and I think that’s kind of the point here. She’s not perfect and neither is he but together they’re raising happy, healthy, strong, well adjusted young men who will hopefully someday go on to do the same thing and be happy, we’ll adjusted, productive members of society who have a healthy stable relationship and subsequently family. How can you judge anyone for doing their best to achieve that? Even if they do it differently than you.

This is awful. What’s wrong with everyone in these comments? If you love your husband more than your child then you don’t deserve your children period.

You should love everyone in your immediate family equally. That is the first love a child will experience and this attachment style will continue in other relationships. They will always choose partners who love someone or something else more. Basically you’re teaching them low self esteem.

Obviously you will not love your children the same as your spouse bc that’s gross lol but it should be equal.