I just gave birth to a tiny human three months ago (in May), and I’ll be starting a job in two weeks. So I guess technically I’ll be going back to work with a 4-month-old….
Anyways, I’m sure you’re wondering why? Why in the world are you going back to work when you’ve been a SAHM for two years and could still stay home? Why not continue to spend your days with your toddler and your new baby? Why not give your new baby the same time you did to your older kiddo?
The honest answer, one that makes me cringe just by thinking it let alone saying it, is that I’m no longer fulfilled.
I know that makes me sound like a terrible mother. I’m sure I’ll receive some comments about how I should appreciate the chance to be home and watch my girls grow, how I’ll be regretting my decision soon enough because giving my daughters over to strangers to care for them will be gut-wrenching.
Trust me. I know.
At the time of writing this post my newborn has been going to daycare for three days, my oldest has been going to daycare for two months. I’ve cried, I’ve had moments of panic and anxiety, and I’ve mourned for the fact that my kids aren’t with me all day.
But I’ve noticed that I smile more. I’m not stressed out at the end of the day.
When my girls are home, I’m more engaged with them, playing more, and I’m not grumpy. My excitement to start contributing in a different way to our household, coupled with the fact that I’ll be commuting, and working for a company whose values align with mine is giving me an extra skip to my step.
I’m sure there is going to be a moment where I’ll question my decision. I’m going to be upset because I missed a milestone or disappointed because I won’t be able to attend a doctor’s appointment or daycare activity. When those moments happen, I’ll remind myself that I’m returning to work to fulfill my career dreams. I’m showing my daughters that mom can bring home the (vegan) bacon alongside dad and still be a great momma. They’ll see that they can choose to be at home or work, either choice they make will be up to them.
Any SAHMs go back to work?
We’d love to hear your comments.
Photography: www.jessicarockowitz.com
I do not want this comment to come across as attacking or bullying in any way. I just want to share my thoughts on this. Somewhere along the way we have become an “entitled me, myself and I” society. Everything is “what I want” “ what makes me happier” “ what makes me comfortable” and on and on it goes. It is such a scary direction we’ve started to go. If people stopped thinking about their personal comfort and gratification constantly, we would be such a more compassionate, peaceful, thriving society. If we put even an ounce into thinking about what makes our fellow humans happy, into what is best for our children, instead of it being all about ourselves, well you get the point. I honestly do not understand why people have children when they can not be inconvenienced to put the time, energy and love into their children. Motherhood is hard, life is hard. No one said motherhood should be about us and our fulfillment. It’s about loving, guiding, leading and sacrifice. There are so many issues with youth today that can be traced back to parents who can’t be bothered. Children need their parents, their love, their time, their dedication, their time again. One of the biggest ways love is communicated is the time we put into another person. If our own parents can’t be bothered to raise us then what hope is there. I understand there are a lot of situations where both parents have to work and that is a different situation entirely. But if you have the means to stay home with your children, then that’s where you should be pouring your time into. Loving on those sweet babies, communicating that being with them is the most important thing to the most important person in their young lives, their moms. Many of the big spiritual leaders preached putting others before ourselves. There is a reason so many did!
Is this is the case- then both mom and dad should be at home with the kids all day every day, not just mom. Explain how that would work financially? Not every mom is meant to be a SAHM. No one is out here preaching that dads need to stay home because they’ve helped bring a baby into this world and they need to raise it. Working parents do not mean they aren’t pouring into their kids, it means they are providing for them and doing what they feel is best for their family as a whole. I am getting ready to go back to work after 2 years because 1- I want to, 2- financially we are fine but the extra money would be very helpful in this season of life we are in, 3-my daughter is extremely social and though we do activities where she gets to be around other kids, it’s not enough for her. She craves it and it’s obvious when she’s around other children. If you lover staying at home, awesome!! If you don’t, you shouldn’t have to stay home if you are miserable and would enjoy getting back into the workforce just because you procreated. It’s ok to have your child in daycare, preschool, etc. Moms need to start sticking together and supporting one another instead of pointing fingers and shaming.
I truly appreciate your comment Mikala. There are moments where I worry that I am being too selfish, but my kids see a happy and fulfilled mom. They are engaged in schools and obtaining lessons that I wouldn’t have been able to teach them. We were able to pay off some debt quickly and are making plans to be debt-free in two-three years. Something we wouldn’t have achieved if I was still home.
Being a SAHM is wonderful and I had such a great experience, and yes I miss being able to be home sometimes, but I have no regrets.
I understand your point Holly, but I do not appreciate your statement of “I honestly do not understand why people have children when they can not be inconvenienced to put the time, energy and love into their children.” Now I don’t know if you’re specifically talking about me if you’re not ok, I can understand that. I also worry about those children who are not cared for and are growing up in extreme hardships. But if you are talking about me, I don’t agree. I love my children with all my heart, I constantly worry and think about them. They are my world. I want to work in order to show them that they can do both, be a mom and engage in society in a different way by working. I want to teach them that they don’t have to put a pause or hold on their dreams or wait to achieve their goals.
Now, if someone’s goal is to be a SAHM and raise their children, that’s great! I applaud and support them, but my dreams are different, and that should be ok.
Lastly, I don’t believe putting yourself first means you lack compassion or empathy, I’ll be honest I chuckled a little because we’re vegan. In my mind, being vegan equates to being compassionate and empathetic because you care for the lives of everyone (animals and humans). We believe that we are no better than others and we strive to be kind and to love everyone equally.
I will always put my children’s needs before my own, but I have to be able to sometimes put my dreams first, and that’s ok.
More power to you girl!
I am a stay at home mom. I love my son he’s 11 months but I can’t wait to go back to work too
I think being happy and fulfilled is important when you want to be a good mom.
How can u make your kids happy when you yourself are not happy?