This past weekend I had a midlife closet crisis and I went crazy. It started as I was putting away my undergarments…polka dot bras, panties that I can’t remember wearing (not in a gross, holey way, but in an oh lord I thought that was comfortable way) and lingerie…please. I proceeded to my closet where I found items from Forever 21–more like Forever-until-you-wash it–and size 4 pants…please.

I then felt the urge to go to Nordstom and buy some adult clothing. Solid colored blouses–yes please, max studio knee-length dress–sure and maybe one purchase from the juniors section–I can pull it off, I promise.

I was on fire.

Got back home, took every.single.article. of clothing out of my closet and started throwing stuff in a donate pile. Why did I think I would wear some of these things again? I have moved a few shirts not once, not twice, but THREE times and I haven’t worn them since they were purchased. I remember shopping with my Grandma back in the day and she had this friend who would always buy things that were a size or two too small and share that she’s planning a diet for month X. I used to giggle in the dressing rooms as I overheard this discourse and fast forward twenty plus years and I’M SORT OF THAT WOMAN! What happened to me?

Do you ever walk through the grocery store and totally judge other moms who are trying to look younger than they are? I know I do, and if you don’t want to admit it, I totally understand. Was I that mom until last weekend? Certainly not, right? I know that I’m a young, had-a-baby-in-an-unconventional way-mom, but I really don’t want people to look at me and think that I’m young. Is it obvious when I am wearing something from the BP section? Lord help me if it is…

I’m really struggling with my identity right now. I know I’m a twenty-something year old mom and a twenty-something year old career woman, but few of my closest friends have children, a few are not even married and I am really trying to fit in in both worlds.

Was throwing away my polka-dot bras step one of coming to terms with my new life status? I know it’s been three years, but I think it’s finally hitting me.



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