This is a fitting topic for me as my husband and I just got back from a trip for our 10-year anniversary. We went away for 4 days without the kids to really spend some time together focusing on us and reconnecting. Our marriage is wonderful, but it sure is different now than when we were celebrating our first anniversaries. 2 kids will do that to you, huh? {grin}

It is really hard to adjust to a new person {and a helpless person at that} in your lives. Everything changes. Is it better? Yes. Is it easy? No…it can take a while to adjust to that new person and find your new normal. But no matter how long it takes you to find your new normal, you must focus on your marriage. After all, our job as parents is to raise our children into self-sufficient adults and send them out into the world.

If we DON’T focus on our marriages, what kind of marriage will be left after all the children leave?


So what can you do to make your marriage a priority?

Here are 7 tips for putting your marriage first

1. Date nights: Or date lunches or date brunches…you get the idea. I’m sure it sounds like a big ‘duh’ but it can be hard to schedule that time for just the 2 of you to be together and alone. That first date after Trent was a movie for my husband and me. I checked my phone non-stop, but everyone survived. And each date got more fun, and I felt more like myself.

2. Make your partner feel special: This one doesn’t come easily to me. I have realized I am selfish. But little things I do for my husband make all the difference. Stopping to buy him his favorite candy. Or making his favorite dinner. Anything that reminds him that I love him.

3. Talk about something other than the kids: Have a conversation about something other than your kids. Talk about something you want to do together, talk about your future, talk about work, talk about a book you read. Be just YOU {not a mom}, and let your partner be just themselves.

4. Have sex: You might not feel like doing ‘it’ for a long time. And that’s okay. But a lot of men respond to the physical. And while I don’t think it’s as obviously for most women, but there is something to that physical connection. Remember it’s what got you that beautiful baby in the first place!

5. Spend time together as a family: I fall in love even more with my husband watching him be a dad. Going to the park together or even just an evening stroll around the neighborhood can be a great time to connect.

6. Have a hobby together: Now I use the term ‘hobby’ loosely – right now that hobby in our marriage is TV shows we watch together. It may sound silly, but that shared show is an hour we spend together invested in the same activity. We talk about where we think the episode is going, we snuggle, maybe share some candy or ice cream. It’s a mini-date!

7. Connect throughout the day: I know I feel more emotionally connected to my hubby when we communicate during the day. Whether it’s a quick phone call to tell a story or a text because ‘our song’ just came on the radio, connecting during the day is key.

:: What do you do to prioritize your marriage? ::


  1. These are all very true.

    For us, 14 years in, 4 little boys and 8 years worth of deployments…the little things very much count–even if some days it’s just plugging in the others phone at night or cleaning out/filling up the others vehicle with gas. Hold hands, hug…keep things silly with thumb wars or rock-paper-scissors over who does dishes. Talking is great, compliments are awesome, but sitting peacefully in the same room is great too.


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