Yes I’m A Mom, And Yes I’m Wearing A Bikini

I love summer. I always have. I feel like my body was made for the summer. I tan well and have always loved laying on a beach or by a pool in my itsy bitsy bikini.

I love the warmth of the sun on my skin and relish the feeling of swimming in cool water. Having the ability to show off my tan lines has always been a source of pride for me. But once I had a baby, those great feelings went away.

Body Shame

As my second summer as a mom approached, I began to feel a sense of dread and shame about my body. Although I know I’m skinny, even after having a baby, I still have a giant scar from my c-section as well as big stretch marks on my stomach. I feel more insecure about my body than I ever did before I had a child.

Now I’m not writing this to fish for any compliments about my body, because frankly I don’t need them. I think I’m a pretty person who has a good body. In the two years since having a baby, I’ve worked very hard to get back to a sort of pre-baby body. I run, I bike, and I do abdominal workouts.

As long as my midsection is covered I feel good about myself. No one needs to know that I still have a belly pouch from my baby that I birthed two years ago. That is easily covered by high waisted jeans (thank goodness those are back in trend).

No one needs to know that I have little white marks all over my tummy from my baby boy. Those are easily covered by a shirt. Heck, no one even needs to know that my belly button is now quarter sized when it just used to be dimed size. No one NEEDS to know.

Getting Over My Insecurities

I spent all of last summer wearing a one piece swimsuit. I had consigned myself to forever wearing a one piece because, well that’s just what moms do, right? I bought a cute one and said to myself, “well that’s it.”

But I hated it. I hated wearing it. It also didn’t fit me well.

After having a baby, my body is a bit disproportionate. My boobs never went back to their pre-baby size. This makes it very hard to find a one piece that fits me both on top and bottom. Also I missed the way the sun felt on my stomach. It is also, quite frankly, really annoying to go to the bathroom in a one piece swimsuit! So this year, I told myself, who cares! I’m wearing that two piece.

And I have. And guess what? No one cares. No one stares at me or even looks twice at my stretch marks. No one notices that I have a little bit of a pouch. No one has pointed and laughed at my giant belly button.

My insecurities are just that; MY insecurities.

So mamas, this summer, wear whatever kind of swimsuit you want to wear. If you love your one piece, go for it. If you have one of those cute high waisted bikinis, power to you. Want to wear a tankini? Great. Or, if you’re like me, and want to wear an itty bitty bikini so you can feel the sun and get that tan, then do it. Just make sure you wear plenty of sunscreen.

Happy summer mamas!

Veronica DeSantos Ryan
Hi Austin mamas! I am Veronica DeSantos Ryan, a mama from Round Rock. My husband and I moved to the area in 2014 and love every minute of it. Our baby Oliver (May 2016) is the light of our life and we are enjoying every minute with him. After spending seven years teaching, I decided that I wanted to be a stay at home mom and teacher of life to my little boy. As a family we love running with Ollie in his jogger stroller, having picnics outside, playing with our two dogs and exploring all the the Austin area has to offer! I am also a performing princess for Lexi's Little Princesses Princess company, a teaching artist at The Georgetown Palace Theatre, and a member of the singing group The Vintage Dreams. I am an avid reader, piano player, singer, and occasional actress in community theater, and have recently been published in Chicken Soup for the Soul: Miracles and More.



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