I Want A Larger Age Gap Between Kids
My only son is now officially a 2.5 year old. When we were discussing our future family, how many kids to have, and when to space them out, there was one thing my husband and I agreed on. By the time our oldest was 2.5 we would be ready to have a second child, or at least be pregnant. However, now that our earlier designated time is here, we find ourselves to be in no rush. In fact, we have decided that a 4 year age gap, and maybe even a *gasp* five year age gap, wouldn’t be so bad.
Why the Change of Heart?
For one thing, our son was quite the challenging baby. He screamed and screamed when held by others, and he didn’t sleep well for basically his whole first year of life. It was tough. He was tough. Those memories have yet to fade, that’s how tough he was. He is much easier now which we looooove and would honestly like to enjoy a bit longer before we face the potential for another big sleep deprived year. Yes, I know our second might be super easy, BUT the second might be just like our first. So why not just wait?
Also, we are in a great groove of life right now as a threesome. We are really hitting our stride. We’d also like to be a bit more financially prepared before we throw another kid into the mix. We can’t help it, we’re planners, and we like to prepare as much as possible.
Our Own Families
My husband and I each have a sister and each of them is about three to three and a half years different in age from us. Neither of us had major fights with our sisters, at least not anything that I would deem out of the ordinary from regular siblings. I would also venture to say we aren’t necessarily best friends with our sibs either, but that’s okay. We didn’t have bad childhoods with them and are close enough that we call each other probably 2-3 times a week sometimes more. Our sisters may not be our best friends, but if we ever needed them to drop everything and visit our house, they would each do it in a heartbeat.
Our parents came from much larger families. My mom is one of six and my dad is one of eleven. My husband’s dad is one of four and his mom is one of five. In theory each of our parents should be closest with the sibling who is closest in age to them, but none of them really are. Life happens, and unless you live next door or in the same city as your sibling, they might not be your best friend.
More Individual Time
The larger our children’s age gap, the more individual time I get to spend with each. This is completely selfish of my husband and I, but we want that. As much as we want them to spend time with each other as well, we also love the idea of some years with each individually. If I wait until my son is in school, I’d get more one on one time with a new baby while he is out learning. When one is off to college, one would still be at home. Hopefully it would also help my son feel less short changed for my time when a new sibling comes around.
But! But! But!
Lately I’ve gotten a lot of questions asking if/when we will have our next child. When I let out my secret of wanting a larger age gap between kids, I almost always get the same exasperated response; “Don’t you want your kids to be best friends?”
Well people, who’s to say they would be with a small age gap? There is no guarantee! Every kid has a different personality. They could be one year apart and fight like cats and dogs. They could also end up five years apart and be each other’s confidant.
I don’t need my kids to be best friends. I need them to be good siblings. I need them to look out for each other and always be there in times of need. I don’t need them to have the same interests at the same time. Sure it would be convenient, but if one wants to be an athlete, and the other wants to do theater then my husband and I will make it work. All I need is for our family to be happy and do what’s right for us. Right now, what’s right for us is to have a slightly larger age gap than we originally planned.
What do you like about having a larger gap between your kids?
